It’s a bad day.
I’m not in a terrible mood. But, a very down mood. My very fatness is dragging me down.
While that might seem trivial, you have to admit weight encompasses so much of who we are.
Our feelings, our health, our clothing, our appearance . . . the little nuances of an achy back or a crackling knee.
Even our temperature.
I live in the deep south and it’s just 10:45am and when I go outside, I just start dripping in sweat. Just from the small task of cleaning the trash from a small road trip yesterday out of my car. I’m dripping. I’m hot. I’m uncomfortable. I hate this freaking body so much!
I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. I debated. I knew today was a day of reckoning. Where I would feel my shortcomings.
Jeez. I’m still sweating at the keyboard. Fat people cannot get enough air conditioning.
Yesterday, I was at a doctor’s weight loss clinic. I was there to ask for phentermine, an appetite suppressant.
Pretty Please. Just give it to me.
However, I answered my medical questionnaire honestly. Told the doctor what medication I was on and that I was being treated for bipolar disorder.
He agreed that getting the weight off would be beneficial for my condition (duh, says me). However, he was going to have to tell me no. He told me I would need to get my therapist who treats my bipolar to sign off on this first.
He then said I was taking the news very well. And, I was. I smiled. I laughed. I figured as much. And, to be honest, I’m no dummy. I know these pills could hurt me in the long run. At the very least, I’ll have heart palpitations while I’m on them. But, they are so awesome. You just stop thinking about food. You don’t need food. You can survive on the very littlest of calories.
Now, obviously, I know I could have lied and gotten the pills. Heck, I can order them offline. But, that’s not the person I am and I don’t want to harm myself and I don’t want to do anything that is going to bring on another episode.
So, we’ll see what my therapist says. Might be a big fat no but if it’s a yes, we will revisit this topic.
I know I can get a handle on this naturally before succumbing to this modern pill popping weight loss temptation. If I just get my mind right. Get “into the zone!” I’m going to try (again. again. again.) As many agains as it takes.
I did get a handy dandy nutritional guide from the clinic, which tells me what I’m up against if I go on there plan.
• 700-1000 calories a day (total)
• Always try to eat breakfast
• East small meals (3-6 a day)
• Eat your last meal before 8 pm or two hours before bedtime
• Never, ever skip a meal
• Never eat less than 500 calories a day
• No red meat, pork or fried foods
• East mostly eat whites- limit the yolks
• Bake, broil, microwave or stir fry foods
• Limit dairy products, use skim milk or low fat milk
• Try to eat protein and carbohydrates together
• Seafood is good, just limit the salt
• No candy, cakes or pies
• Count your calories from all foods that you eat to reach your calorie count for the day
Yes, I am confident you would need a magic pill to do this and if I did this, I would lose weight. Some sensible advice but 700-1000 calories!?!?! I can’t get past that in my natural state but I know when you are on the pills that actually feels like a lot of eating.
So, with the tiny silver of natural determination that I have, I’m going to try again. Here it goes:
Day 1 ( Again and Again) ~ I feel like Groundhog Day or the new Tom Cruise movie where he keeps dying and having to keep fighting on. Each time getting better and better.
Right now, I have switched from drinking my black cup of coffee to iced cold water. Water it will be the rest of the day.
Next to me, I have my tools:
My Weight Watchers Simple Start booklet. It was very helpful. Because Paleo just cuts out grains all together and that seems impossible to me. SS allows whole grains and some light breads. Likewise, Paleo just cuts out dairy. Well, I like yogurt and occasionally some (and it can be fat free) milk in my latte.
And, I just like how some of the meals are build. Very nice ideas and pictures. But, I have determined from SS that I do not like whole wheat pasta that much. I’d rather do without. And, fat free mayonnaise taste bad. But, I am in love with a light English muffin.
I have my iPad with “my fitnesspal” app ready to go. It gives me 1,680 calories, which is more sensible. We’ll see where I get. But, I do have a devious plan to eat a hearty breakfast and then try to keep things to a minimum the rest of the day. Don’t worry. I seriously doubt I can starve myself but if I act like I am, I’ll probably be right where I’m supposed to be.
Finally, I have my “Operation Honeypot” notebook which has everything Zone, Paleo, and Whole30. In front, is the matrix from this link and if you ever wanted to know how to build a healthy meal with the perfect amount of protein, fat and carbs, this is it.
I’m off, peeps!