This morning, I drove into the city (not THE CITY); just our nearest city, for a Zumba class. This one was very different from the first one. It was still an energetic class but this one was taught by a very enthusiastic 20-something booty shaker. I’m at a more advanced age when I can appreciate that much energy and stamina.
I looked into the mirror a couple of times and was not happy with myself. Man, I’m big. But, what I love about Zumba is it is not just for smaller girls. Any girl regardless of their shape and size can shake their rumps to Latin boom boom. Right now, I look like an asthmatic hippo dancing in a circle but I vow to get smaller and master these fast salsa steps!
Yesterday was a beautiful and happy day. Nothing could get me down. Not even another rejection from Medicaid and an assurance they would refer me to the too expensive Affordable Care Act (ACA). I figure I’ll just be uninsured until October when Medicare kicks in. I’ll take my penalty, Mr. Obama. I was a real fan of the President but now I think he has botched things so much, I wish I could undue my vote.
UPDATE ON FLORIDA BAR
I did get a very important letter from the Florida Bar yesterday.
“Our records show that you have submitted the affidavit in compliance with Rule 3-5.1(h). Therefore, your file with this office has been closed.”
Sweet! I printed off the page on the Florida Bar website showing I was ineligible to practice law due to incapacity (just for sentimental reasons). I put it and the bar letter in my file. I have closed my file by throwing it in my folder bin, shutting the lid and putting it in the back of my closet. I won’t be sending a letter to the Florida Bar notifying them that I have also closed my file. I was tempted but these people have no sense of humor.
It is a relief this business is concluded.
I was a little sad about closing the chapter. Only another professional could understand how hard I worked to get where I did. I know I was a good attorney. It’s just that the practice of law is toxic to everything that is me. It’s like a bad cheating boyfriend that beats you. You love him but you know you have to let him go for your own welfare.
Joel Osteen had the perfect quote~
Don’t be disappointed because your plans didn’t work out. You may not understand it now, but one day you’ll thank God for the difficulties. His ways are better than our ways. Don’t try to figure it all out.
I went on with my day.
First, I had lunch at McDonald’s with my mom and did the most juvenile thing possible. I got a Happy Meal complete with My Little Pony toy. Man, I can actually remember playing with those things for real. So, my mom just smirked while I put my stickers on my pony and just laughed when I told her I was definitely taking my pony home. It’s pink. It’s all stickered up. It even has a pink tail. SOLD!
We did the next thing you do in a small down. We walked around the local Wal-Mart buying stuff we probably didn’t need. I ended up scoring three $1 tank tops! C’mon! You can’t beat that. I’ll use them to paint and garden if not to wear under my shirts.
I also found a free pamphlet for my next paint project: Make your own color wheel.
I believe that is the first start to painting: Learning colors and mixing colors. And, that’s exactly what I did when I got home. I put on an old t-shirt and painted. Of course, my project isn’t gallery worth but I will hang it on my wall in the craft room until I learn which primary colors make which secondary colors and then which of those you can turn into tints and shades. It really is a lot of fun. And, so far, I have not invested a lot of money. I got one of those beginner’s paint sets at the hobby store when they were half off and a book of acrylic paint paper. I also got a drawing book because I need to do some drawing if I’m ever going to be a good painter. So far, I might have $30 invested in my paint business.
PROGRESS ON THE GARDEN
Can you see that? It’s a broccoli plant with a little head of baby broccoli!
Well, we have a tenant.
That’s right! A bird nest. A bird has made a nest and we decided to leave it alone. I was just so excited when I lifted the lid. A bird nest. A bird had gathered it’s bedding and made the perfect nest among our humble tomato plants.
But, that was only my 2nd best find of the day.
That evening, I sat on my computer surfing other people’s blogs and was overjoyed to find another Bipolar Blogger. That’s what I’m hunting for. More people like me. People who had it all and then it was all snatched away. How successful were they (probably because of their condition)? And, how hard did they fall (because of their condition)? I want to find people that have bipolar disorder, severe, with psychosis. A type of bipolar disorder so bad they cannot work. They have to be conscious of themselves at all times least they lose touch with reality.
The blog I found is worthy of reading. It’s called “Bipolar For Life: Memoirs of a Wounded Healer.”
The “About me” section sums up everything I’ve tried to say and I feel everything they said as if the writer were speaking about me.
“This is a blog about the experience of living with Bipolar Disorder.
Here I wish to tell the story of what it is like to live with a disabling mental illness, day by day; and to provide a safe and welcoming space for all who wish to participate, whether by comment, contribution, or simply silent reading. We’ll dip into neuroscience a bit, and roll around in the pharmacopia for sure. But the essence of this blog is the experience of the illness, and it is subjective as hell.
Bipolar illness has eaten my life in leisurely chunks. You may have read a book or two written by some fortunate one who fought their way out of the abyss and ended up as a university professor. I’m not one of them. In fact, the opposite. I rose to some dizzying heights in my profession, and through the erosion of my illness, have found myself disabled, unable to work in the field I so dearly love.
On the other hand, one in five people with severe Bipolar Disorder end in suicide. I’m not one of those either. I choose life. As excruciatingly painful as my life is at times, I know that one day I will indeed die. Everyone does, sooner or later. The thing is, if I kill myself, I’ll miss the end of the movie. My movie. I won’t know what would have happened if I just stuck with it one more fraction of a second. And if I live long enough, I might possibly merit to do one speck of good on this planet, to help one person perhaps, and that would make the whole of it worthwhile. Time, however, can be a behemoth of an adversary.
I happen to be a religious person. A spiritual person by nature, and a religious person by choice. It gives me a framework in which to see my life, and someone to blame and cry out to. And it gives me a road map by which to navigate. I’m Jewish, and my road map is the Torah (the “Old Testament”). And it says,
“I have placed life and death before you, blessing and curse;
And you shall choose life…..” Devarim (Deuteronomy) 30:19
“You shall choose Life.” So I make that leap of faith, and I choose Life, even though most days I would much rather not have it.”
I couldn’t resist sending a probably stalker like message to this person in my excitement.
“Hello!!! I am so glad to have found you. I’ve been looking for someone just like you~ a highly functioning bipolar-er. It’s a pleasure to meet you and I will be following your blog. You are not alone.”
Before, I knew it was 10:30pm and way past my bed time. I had only read the “About me” and her first blog post back in October 2011. I have a lot of catching up to do.
I’m hoping this will lead me to other people.
So yeah, lots of things going on in the neighborhood and it was a beautiful day.