It’s Sunday. The Day of the Sabbath. A time of worship. My own religious curriculum includes being half way through Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life. What On Earth Am I Here for? Currently, on a daily basis, I am reading Jesus Today by Sarah Young.
This morning I watched Joel Osteen’s sermon. And, now as I work on this, I am watching CBS Sunday Morning and sipping coffee.
Today, I am going to look for my rosary that I misplaced and organize my personal library.
I need this. I get special reinforcement to keep chugging up the hill of life. It wasn’t always this way. I once told my deeply religious mom to keep her religious sh(% to herself. I made her go to church by herself. I even rejected her rosary. If you asked me, I would tell you all this “Jesus” stuff was a human made up story to control the masses.
Then, my whole world crashed down. I was fired from my dream job because a supervisor lied. A horrendous lie that made me out to be a dangerous maniac. It completely devastated me. It ruined a career I worked so hard for.
And, the hits kept on coming.
If you have ever had your life tipped upside down, you know what I am talking about. The utter devastation. The “what now?” question. The embarrassment of failure.
It was during this time I would do anything to find peace. My only comfort was the love of my family and them giving me their faith and conviction that someone was in control of this mess and it was going to be ok. I had to trust.
I asked my mom, “Why did you never give me a rosary for my car?” (like she does for everybody else)
That’s when she reminded me of my words. “You told me to keep my religious sh*% to myself.” Wow. I felt like such a sh*% when I had that thrown back in my face.
There is a saying, “Everything will be ok in the end. If not, it’s not the end.”
Today, Joel Osteen was talking about being labeled damaged goods. It was a good message for me because for two years, I wallowed in my rejection from the world. I did think I was less valuable because of this blemish on my record.
I had to read a line on the internet before I came out of my coma~ it was something along the lines of “So, you were fired. Get over it!” So true!! But, I can tell you that I took my firing hard. It is 3rd in line for most horrific emotional upheaval I have experienced.
But, I did go get me a rosary and I hung it in my car. It made me feel a little bit better.
Then, my biological father (I call him Sr, not dad~ for reasons I will explain later) he gave me two leather bound copies of Sarah Young’s books. He earnestly told me to read them daily and I will never be lost, confused, hurt, or worry again. I will never find myself in a mental hospital again.
Both of my parents are deeply religious but it took rock bottom for me to give it any faith. God knows my feelings. He knows I have my doubts but I am working on it. I’m interested. I want the comfort and serene disposition of both my parents. I do not want to be a hot headed God less heathen. Smile.
This is definitely a new day. I want greatness out of the great mess that has become my life. I am willing to put my faith in God that it will happen. In the meantime, I am doing my part to learn this world of faith.