I am tortured. Where to start? Today, I read some of my hospital records from SASH (San Antonio State Hospital). It’s an insane asylum. Except, we do not call them that anymore. It’s just SASH.
The reading is somber. I cried. I cried because that’s not me. I don’t remember. I don’t know.
Why would I go down this rabbit hole? I didn’t intentionally. I accidently came across it in a folder dedicated to mental illness recovery.
This folder holds information on a Wellness Recovery Action Plan®, or WRAP ®. This is the brain child of Ms. Mary Ellen Copeland. I first heard the name through my small town psychiatrist in the very beginning. At the time all I did was do a brief internet search on her and I moved on quickly. I wasn’t much into taking charge of my health back then. Then, I ended up in SASH. And, I was given the folder. Over a year later, I am just now seriously giving it attention.
WRAP ® and Ms. Mary Ellen Copeland have plans, one specifically called a Daily Maintenance Plan. Sound familiar? That caught my attention too because I have naturally instinctively developed a Daily Maintenance List that I sometimes call a Daily Maintenance Plan. Her plan is detailed. A life saver (literally). Mine is crude and is only helpful to me.
I have simply a list of the most basic of things I have to do in a day. I mean. THE MOST BASIC.
I can’t stress enough how I am in the elementary stage of this recovery (despite being released from SASH over a year ago). For me, this has definitely been a slow . . . very slow . . . recovery.
Yesterday, I was in a fog (recovering from my weekend “non medication” bender). My daily maintenance list/plan gave me something to focus on. I needed that focus. I needed to be told what to do. My brain is not automatic anymore. So, I walked Ginger. Brushed my teeth. Got coffee. Each time looking at the list (the things I do every day) for the next step. Every minute I was thankful I didn’t have a job to do. As I robot’ed through the day, I was so thankful, so very thankful, I had this day to myself.
Today, I’m better. And, I decided the events of the last few days will never do. I reaffirmed my post-SASH commitment to take my medication. I cracked open my WRAP® folder. I cried over my hospital records but moved on. I looked at the handouts that describe the WRAP® program.
I got overwhelmed. The handout isn’t even the book. Or the website. Just the presentation slides from a SASH doctor on the WRAP® program.
I have some homework to do. I’m heading to the library to make copies of this simplified 2 page front and back handout. I want to sit down and read it. Absorb it. Then, make notes on the copy. Lastly, I need to truthfully answer the questions asked.
I already know have to document more. Organize more. Strategize more. So far, me and mine have been flying by the seat of our pants on this.
That’s no plan.
I’m going to make us a plan!